When we get older we look at things in hindsight with more clarity and maturity. We start to say things like, “if I could go back in time… I would have done this… or done that”. Or “I wish I would have gone in this direction in my 20’s instead of the path that I took”. You never live your life hoping to collect regrets, and yet, many of us do.
I’m at a point in my life now where I know that if I could go back I would have majored in Biology. I spent my parenting years with my kids teaching them science, but never thinking that I could be good at it myself. In my own field of human services – I excel. It’s something that I do even in my free time, caring about others and nurturing them when they are at a point in their life that becomes difficult or overbearing. Even when I have my own problems in life I have always been a helper.
And now I am at a juncture – I’m at that pivotal fork in the road looking down to very different paths.
I have been contemplating going back to school for many years. I waited for different reasons: 1) family duties, 2) work schedule, 3) cost and further debt, and 4) already being in my 40s. Did I want to accumulate more debt and have less time with my younger children? Is it smart to go back to college while my two older children are currently IN college? At a time in our lives when we are finally about to be relatively debt-free – do I really want my family to have to go back to making financial sacrifices?
The alternative, however, is that I stay on my current path where we are financially comfortable but no where near the goal I’d like to be. And professionally, I am helping people on a small scale but I will not be able to affect great change on a macro level.
Getting older is scary sometimes. I feel the same on the inside as I did in my 20’s, but sometimes, when I try to do things that younger me could do – I end up popping or pulling some obscure internal body part. I understand I’m getting older. I am very much aware of that. Interestingly enough, however; I am also very aware that I am stronger now than ever before. My passion, my conviction, and my reasons to fight are so much greater now than ever in my life.
There are pros and cons for every decision we make in life and that’s the important thing to remember. This is the one life that we have. Make it f*cking count.
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